Beneath a Starlet Sky Page 28

  “There’s no better friend,” Cricket says with a smile.

  “Thanks, Cricket,” I say and I can’t help but notice she looks more like herself than she has in a very long time. “I’m going to go get us some champagne. I feel a toast is in order.”

  As I make my way over to the champagne, I suddenly see Kate dropping down to her knees beside Christopher. Oh god. Oh no. I hope she’s okay. I rush to her side and as soon as I do I can’t believe what I’m witnessing.

  “Christopher,” Kate says, with a tear rolling down her cheek, gazing up at him with her deep, dark eyes. Everyone’s gathered around them as she clasps Christopher’s hands in hers. “I love you, Christopher Santisi.” Christopher tries to pull Kate up off the floor, but when she won’t budge, he joins her on the ground. It’s as though they have no concept that we’re all standing here watching them.

  “Chris, I’ve been so stupid and so scared, but I’ve missed you so much. I even miss your stupid messes. I have this perfectly designed house without any life in it, and you’re the life that’s missing,” she says, cupping Christopher’s face. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, will you marry me, Christopher Santisi? I want us to be a family. You and our baby.”

  “Yes, of course, yes,” Christopher says kissing Kate.

  “Baby?” my mother yelps.

  “Yes,” Christopher says, as he and Kate stand up, wrapped in each other’s arms. “Mom, Papa, Kate, and I are having a baby. You’re going to be grandparents.”

  “Oh my god, Paulie, we’re going to be grandparents,” my mother says, pulling in Kate and Christopher for a hug. “Do you think we can film the delivery for my show?”

  “NO!” Kate and Christopher shout in unison.

  “I was only kidding,” my mother says, and I decide to take her word for it. I steal Kate away from Christopher and wrap her in a hug.

  “I’m really happy you decided to keep the baby.”

  “I’m terrified that I’m going screw this kid up but I finally realized that I’m more afraid of letting all this pass me by. You were right, I guess sometimes you do get to have it all.”

  “You’re going to be a great mother,” I say.

  “And you’re going to be a great aunt.”

  Suddenly Cricket’s arms are wrapped around us both and the three of us hug tight.

  “I’m really proud of you both,” she whispers. “The way you’ve taken a stand for yourselves. Thank you for being such good friends. And for showing me the way back to myself.” Kate and I both look at Cricket expectantly from our huddle. “It’s time for me to take a break from this whole falling in love thing. I’m not confused anymore. I know what I want. And that’s to focus on my craft. I’m an actress. Period. And I’ve got a shot at a career now. My love life’s going on the back burner,” Cricket looks over to Markus as she says this. “Even if he is awfully cute,” she teases. “Time to focus!”

  “I’ve got just the agent for you to do that,” Kate jokes.

  “We need to celebrate,” I dash over to the champagne and pass out glasses to everyone. Then first raise them to the girls.

  “To us,” I say to my best friends before turning out to the room, “To Kate and Christopher,” I say, raising my flute.

  “To Kate and Christopher,” everyone echoes as we clink glasses.

  “There’s no forgetting you, Kate Woods,” my brother says, beelining toward her and wrapping her in a kiss.

  “I’d like to propose a toast to Lola,” Julian says. “Thank you for always finding a way to make everything okay and saving me and our company over and over again.”

  “Thank you, Julian,” I say with watery eyes.

  “Thank you, Lola!” says Saffron, raising her flute to me.

  “To all of us,” I say. “And honoring yourself.”

  * * *

  Several months and many downward dogs later, my arms are full with grocery bags from Gourmet Garage as I make my way up Bleecker Street. I contemplate stopping at Magnolia Bakery for some banana cream pudding for Julian and me, but keep walking when the long line decides for me. As I make a right up Perry Street to my little brownstone rental, I think of how nice it is to get to invite Julian over rather than work and live under the same roof with him.

  As I unlock my apartment door and step into the small foyer, my last box unpacked, a huge smile washes across my face as I think about how much I love it here. I pull a bunch of peonies from one of my bags and fill two vases with water, one for the small kitchen table beneath a small window where I like to read in the mornings—there are nothing but small windows in this small apartment—and one for the coffee table in the living room. I throw on my sweats and my slippers. No more playing dress-up for Julian. For one fleeting moment, I imagine the feel of my feet sliding into those comfy Crocs, then shake the thought away. A moment later I’m buzzing Julian up.

  “Hey sweetie,” Julian kisses me on my forehead as he steps through the threshold with a beautiful orchid plant.

  “Thanks. This is gorgeous, Julian,” I say, taking the orchid from him and heading into the kitchen.

  “The place is looking great,” he says, throwing himself onto my couch.

  “Here’s some bubbly for you,” I say, resurfacing from the kitchen with a bottle of Dom and two glasses.

  “Turn it on already,” Julian says as he takes the bottle from my hands and uncorks it. “I can’t wait one more minute.”

  “Okay, here we go,” I say pressing play on the TiVo. “It started five minutes ago.” It’s been all I can do not to watch Oprah’s latest prime-time special until Julian arrived.

  “Today’s guest has caused quite a stir,” Oprah bellows from the screen. “Since we last saw her, she’s not only come out, but she’s been at the forefront of the hottest new trend sweeping the nation: solo commitment ceremonies.” Oprah pauses and looks around at her guests. “Y’all know how I feel about marriage,” she says out of the side of her mouth. “So you can guess how I feel about the commitment ceremony to yourself. I’m all about it. In fact, don’t be surprised if I get on the bandwagon and have a big old bash myself. But first, here today to talk all about it is … Saffron Sykes!” Oprah howls as shots of Saffron in Julian’s gorgeous gown on the cover of Vain beam onto the walls of the stage.

  “Oh my gosh,” Julian says as we both move closer to the screen to get a better look at Saffron’s breezy Julian Tennant persimmon-hued dress that shows off her long, golden legs as she strides across the stage. “She looks fantastic!”

  “So, Saffron,” Oprah says placing her hand on Saffron’s knee once they take their seats. “How are you?”

  “Never been better,” Saffron says.

  “So tell us how this commitment ceremony frenzy you’ve embarked upon all began,” Oprah asks.

  “Actually, Oprah, the truth is that I can’t take credit for the commitment ceremony craze. I’m just kind of, well—you could call me the spokesperson,” Saffron says humbly. “Lola Santisi, the mastermind behind my favorite designer, Julian Tennant, is truly its creator. If we’re lucky, a bit of light shows up in our darkest hour to guide the way. And for me, that was Lola.”

  “Isn’t that always true,” Oprah interjects. “If we’re paying attention when we’re in that dark night, there’s usually an angel standing in the wings,” she says, turning to the audience for emphasis.

  “If angels stand on five-inch Louboutins,” Julian says. “With a fabulous little JT number, of course.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me toward him.

  My eyes fill up with tears. I can’t believe that this is really happening. To get this kind of acknowledgment? From Oprah? In prime time?

  We turn our attention back to the screen.

  “Saffron, during the Cannes Film Festival and the aftermath of Four Weddings where you play a gay character, there was a lot of speculation about your sexuality and you stayed quiet. Until this latest issue of Vain. Which, by the way, has been Vain’s best-selling issue of a
ll time. So, Saffron, why come out now, in Vain?” Oprah asks.

  “Because what the commitment ceremony taught me, what Lola taught me, and Oprah, you’re known for preaching about living one’s truth, is that it was time for me to honor my truth.”

  “The truth will set you free,” Oprah says, grabbing Saffron’s hand in hers in a gesture of support. “Although I hear you’re not exactly free these days. A little birdy told me you just got twenty million for your next role.”

  “That’s right, Oprah. I absolutely cannot wait to work with Christopher Santisi. My big fear was that no one would want to hire me if they found out I was gay. I guess I didn’t give people enough credit.”

  “And what was all that fuss about you and Cricket Curtis?” Oprah says. “Give me that dish, girlfriend.”

  “I look at Cricket and I see myself ten years ago. I’m telling you, Oprah, that girl is going to be a superstar. I knew it the minute I saw her. It’s going to hit the papers tomorrow, but I don’t think she’d mind my telling your viewers that she’s going to be starring alongside Julia Roberts in the sequel, Eat More, Pray Harder, and Love Hotter.”

  “I’d buy a ticket to that!” Oprah grins. “Now Saffron, I believe you have a surprise for everyone in our studio.”

  “I’m so excited,” Saffron says. “I’m getting to pull an Oprah. I’m sending each of you audience members home with a gift certificate for a custom-made Julian Tennant commitment gown! It doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight, single or married, everyone should commit to honoring themselves and have a fabulous Julian Tennant gown to wear while they do it!”

  The audience erupts into a frenzy of cheering. Julian and I look at each other in shock. My head is spinning as I try and tabulate how many people are in that audience and what this could mean for our company. Not to mention all of the people watching the show. This is mammoth. This is monumental. I feel like the particles in the room just shifted—along with our lives—forever.

  I look over to Julian expecting: a gasp, a scream, a yelp, a hug, a dance? Instead what I get is an eerie stillness from my BGF like I’ve never seen before, and a solitary tear spilling down his cheek.

  Finally Julian breaks the silence. “Lola,” he says, turning off the television and turning to face me. “Thank you. I feel like I should have a commitment ceremony for you. For your commitment to us,” he says.

  “Thanks, Julian.” What more is there to say? Actually, there is one more thing: “Cheers to that, cheers to me.” I laugh but at the same time, really, in the depths of my bones, I really mean it. Cheers to me. I don’t need a Julian Tennant gown or a party to have this commitment ceremony. Right here. Right now. Cheers to me.

  “You know what makes this moment even more perfect?” Julian asks with an evil grin.

  “What?”

  “Knowing that Bitchitor Coz is watching Oprah far, far from the kingdom of Condé Nast.”

  “Two can play at Cut-Throat Couture,” I say. “I would have given a lot to see Grace Frost’s face when she watched the footage Coz and Chili hacked for your show. If you ask me, Coz got off easy and Grace knows it. We really could have sued. But getting Coz canned—”

  “—from Vain and her reality show!” Julian crows.

  “And making Vain pay for all those ostriches!” I say. “That’s good enough for me.”

  “And now Chili’s out of her clutches,” Julian says. “He was annoying as all hell and I wanted to throttle him half the time, but I have to admit, the kid’s got talent. It really wasn’t his fault. Coz was a master manipulator. She’s the one who convinced him to trash all those invitations.”

  “Chili Lu is going to be just fine,” I reassure him. “Stefano told me that LVMH is hiring him to design a whole line of virtual clothing for preens.”

  “What are preens?”

  “Pre-teens. They’re the hot new demographic. He’s doing a line called ‘Out of the X-Box.’ Watch for him on a Guitar Hero nearest you.”

  “Guitar Hero? Out of the X-Box?” Julian groans, slumps back on the couch, and covers his eyes dramatically. “I’m too young to feel this old.”

  “And guess who’s gracing the next cover of Vain? Our very own Alexandra Crimini,” I announce. “Grace Frost called me herself to thank me for discovering the Next Kate Moss.”

  The phone trills. “Hello?” I can’t hide the grin spreading across my face. “It’s Stefano,” I mouth to Julian as I cover the receiver. “He wants to congratulate me on Oprah!”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Julian whispers, pushing himself up off the couch. “I think we’re in for an interesting day.” He blows me a kiss, then closes the door behind him.

  “Wait, your scarf!” I hiss, but he’s already gone.

  Curling into the couch, I pour myself the last bit of bubbly as Stefano murmurs sweet nothings about orders and grosses in my ear.

  Who would have ever thought that a commitment ceremony dress would be this millennium’s little black dress? I’ve barely hung up with Stefano and tipped the last of the Dom in my flute when my phone rings again.

  “Hey, Lo,” Kate says. “What’d you think about Oprah? How fucking amazing is that?”

  “I know!” I say. “I can’t believe Saffron did that for us.”

  “Don’t worry. She can afford it. After all, I’m the one who got her twenty against twenty on her next film,” Kate says.

  “And I hope you got the director a nice piece of the action,” I say. “I hear he’s going to be a dad soon.” My other line beeps. “Kate, I’ve got to run. That’s Mom on the other line and I’d better get it.”

  “Okay, call me when you can so we can talk about your maid of honor duties,” Kate says. “Did I just say that?”

  “I’m pretty sure you did, Soon-to-be-Santisi,” I say before clicking over.

  “Hi darling,” my mother says. “I just saw Oprah and I’m so so proud of you!”

  “Thanks, Mom!”

  “I always knew my Lola was going to make it big. And I’ve got some big news of my own. The ratings for Wristwatch Wives are enormous. It’s a huge hit!”

  “Congratulations,” I say, not quite knowing whether I mean it.

  “But that’s not my news,” my mother says and then pauses. “I’ve decided to go behind the camera.”

  “You’ve what?! Have you told Dad?” Just what the Santisi family needs: three directors in the family!

  “That’s right, darling. I’m going to be directing my own documentary about fame. It’s all about stars and the paparazzi and I’m calling it Camera Carnivores.”

  Okay, that’s actually not a terrible idea. “Mom, I have to admit, that’s your sweet spot. Just promise me that you’ll leave the family out of it, okay?” The downstairs buzzer rings and I quickly buzz Julian up to retrieve his scarf. “Have you told Papa yet?”

  “No, darling, but he’ll be thrilled for me, I know it,” Mom says.

  I hear a knock on the door. “Mom, I gotta go. Julian’s at the door. Bye now.”

  “Bye, darling,” she says and clicks off as I swing my front door open. I freeze in my tracks.

  “Lola,” he says softly, standing there like he’s been waiting for a million years.

  “Lev,” I say in shock. “How did you get here?”

  “I drove,” he says.

  “You drove all the way from L.A.?” I ask, dumbfounded.

  “Yes,” he says. “Lola, it’s been killing me. I miss you. I miss us. You were right. I’m a doctor, not an actor. I drove here in a U-Haul. All of my belongings are in that van, but there’s no place to put them because there’s no home without you,” he says. “I don’t know what happened to me. I’m so sorry. I got caught up in the illusion but I don’t want to lose my shot at something real because of it.”

  I peer at him closely. He looks—well, he looks … real. No Mystic Tan, no eyebrow wax, no gel in his hair. Just Lev. The guy I fell in love with. The guy I think I’m still in love with.

  “I
turned down the Coen Brothers gig. I’ve taken the job at Lenox Hill Hospital,” he says. “And I hope you’ll take me back. I hope you’ll give me one more chance because what you and I have is real.”

  “So.… No more acting?” I ask. “No more playing a doctor, just being a doctor?”

  “No more acting,” he says, dropping onto one knee, “Lola Santisi, will you be my wife?” he asks, pulling out the engagement ring and trying to slip it back on my finger. But I stop him and pull him back up to his feet.

  “Lev, I don’t need you to save me anymore,” I say, holding both of his hands in mine.

  “Lo,” he says, looking me squarely in the eyes, “you never did.” And my life rushes by like a slideshow and I realize that he’s right. And I realize that the last images I want in my life, I want to be full of pictures with him. That I get to choose how this story ends. And I want it to end with us. But I don’t need a diamond to prove our commitment to each other.

  “I don’t need a wedding,” I say, handing him back the ring. “Thank you for finding me.”

  “Thank you for helping me find my way back to myself,” he whispers in my ear as I throw my arms around his neck and then pull away so that I can look into those green eyes that look like the closest thing to home I’ll ever know. There’s one thing in life that I’ve learned isn’t an illusion: it’s love. So I say to my Lev, “Now let’s go play doctor.”

  acknowledgments

  Deepest gratitude to: Steve and Ella, for every beautiful day together, you are my heart; Daria, Khosrow, and Jahan, for all you’ve taught me, for your patience and unconditional support; Amy, Angela, Chelsea, Emily, Liz, Marin, for being my sisters; Jane, DeBorah, and Mary, for your generosity; Amanda, for persevering, for the “growing up” together, for showing up in the rough times, and for becoming family through these years; and my father, Dennis, and my grandfather Larry, two challenging warriors whose creative lives moved us all.

  Heartfelt thank you to: Philip, for our love through it all; Wendy and Leonard, for your incomparable love, support, and wisdom; Richard, John, Magdalena, and Belen, for always being there; Toni and David, for teaching me to find the humor in life; my friends, for being like a second family; and Ruthanna, for forever altering the course of my life and believing in us.